"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
Quote by: Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

Friday, April 30, 2004

Feeding Emily

Feeding Emily

Feeding Emily has become much easier since she got the NAM in, although she was doing quite well with the Pigeon cleft palate nipple and bottle. Here's a great page on different bottles you can use for cleft lip and palate. You can order cleft palate Pigeon nursers from this Candadian Web site (even if you're in the U.S.) or ask your cleft team if they have them on hand. We got a bunch from NYU at a pretty good price.

Anyway, once the NAM was in Emily ate a lot quicker and had to do much less work to get the milk out. This happened because 1) Pigeon nipples are designed to give a "milk reward" to the baby from any action the baby does, e.g., pressing the nipple against her cheek or tongue will extract milk and 2) the NAM gives her lots of surface area to press the nipple against. The combination of the two worked great (since Emily has no palate, she struggled to find a surface to press the nipple against before the NAM was in her mouth. The Pigeon nipple is softer on the bottom and so when she presses her tongue against it, milk automatically squirts down away from her palate - so she rarely has milk come out her nose (unless she spits up - but that's a different, entirely more exoricst-like story). So that's one less thing for me to worry about - she can eat. She seems to be a snacker though, and that may be because she's just getting used to the NAM.

Monday, April 26, 2004

NAM Appt. #2

NAM Appt. #2

Second trip to NYU - Dr. Grayson, the team orthodontist, met with us today and showed us how to put the NAM in (NAM is an acronym for nasoalveolar molding device, which is a fancy way of saying orthodontic plate - similar to a retainer). Dr. Grayson is a quiet guy who seemed really focused on his work. Emily screamed a few times mostly because we had to hold her head still, then when the NAM was initially in she sort of made weird gag faces with her tongue. She seems to eat well and hasn't cried a lot (yet). She's slept the entire way home on the train - almost two hours.

Here's a picture of Emily the first week she had the NAM in - it looks so huge on her little face.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

First Trip to NYU - 6 days old

First Trip to NYU - 6 days old

Our first trip to NYU and Emily is only six days old. I can remember standing in Grand Central station with Emily in my arms while Jim looks frantically for an ATM machine because we have like 3 dollars and want to take a cab to the hospital. I'm sore, nervous and self concious of people looking at Emily's face. No one seems to look past the fact that she's really really tiny though, and I remember being worried about bringing her into the huge, cold world at such a young age.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Emily's Birth Announcement

Emily's Birth Announcement

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Welcome Emily! (picture)

Welcome Emily! (picture)

Emily was born on tax day! April 15th, 2004 at 12:19 a.m. weighing 7 lbs 5 oz and 20 inches long. I was so relieved to finally see her and see how beautiful she is even with the cleft. She was healthy and pink and came very fast (too fast for drugs!) In fact, Emily was born within an hour after the midwife broke my water and so it was a good thing I actually went to the hospital (real labor never started) because I might've ended up having her at home otherwise!

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Poem for Emily

Poem for Emily

I wrote this when I was pregnant, probably around December 2003...


I thought of the minutes before
they said something was wrong,
when all was perfection
and I'd expected
the world
would let me be lucky
a bit longer.
But this is not my misfortune,
though I weep like it is.

No, this is not my misfortune
I'll remind myself
when I imagine your face
how I wanted it to be.
Whole, in the gentle light
of the birthing room.
I'm so sorry for that false vision
that comes even now
as I learn to love the beauty
of your true face.

When the light hits your face
in four months
we'll all realize
a new definition of perfect.


by Jacqueline Dooley